Baby Only Wants Mom: 5 Tips You Need to Know About
When baby only wants mom it can be equally flattering and exhausting.
I used to think that people with clingy babies were doing something wrong…until I had one.
My first was never super clingy except for the odd occasion. My second, on the other hand, was a mama’s girl from day one.
The first year of her life it felt like she was attached to me at all times. That wasn’t true, of course, but that’s how it felt.
She would cry every single time I put her down or walked out of the room. When her father got home and went to take her and give me a break, she’d cry as though I had abandoned her forever.
I had two under two and it was overwhelming for sure.
We got through it, however, and I learnt a few things along the way.
What to Do When Baby Only Wants Mom
Every family is unique and while some things worked really well for us, they may not work the same for you.
I hope they can give you some rest as you do your best to love your baby and keep your sanity at the same time.
#1 Realize It’s Normal
You’re almost certainly not doing anything wrong. Kids have different personalities.
As I mentioned, my firstborn was fairly outgoing and confident in his baby days. My daughter, although very social, took a while (and still does) to warm up to new situations.
It wasn’t until she was in her toddler years that she was comfortable with leaving me more easily.
If you have a baby that is attached to you at the hip, do not blame yourself. None of it is your fault.
This is something that mamas of more than one child get to understand quite quickly. It applies to sleep, potty training, eating, and basically every other aspect of a baby’s life.
They’re unique.
#2 Realize that It Is a Season
Clingy babies don’t stay that way forever. Sure, you may have a child that is shy, but they don’t actually cry at your feet and demand to be held 24/7 for the rest of their life.
I promise.
This season of always being wanted is really challenging, especially if you’re an introverted mama.
(Pssst…if that describes you, you’ll want to grab a copy of THIS BOOK. This changed my mindset about my introverted-ness BIG time)
It won’t last forever and one day you’ll realize that your little one is doing things on their own and no longer crying at the bathroom door every time you need to go pee.
#3 Ignore Unsolicited Advice
I’m telling you to ignore it because you’ll almost certainly get it. Things that I’ve heard include:
- “You need to leave her with other people more often.”
- “Just let her cry.”
- “She needs more socializing.”
Can we just bear in mind that we’re talking about a baby here? Not a child, not a teenager, a baby.
It is normal and natural for babies to want to be close to their mothers. For that reason, I suggest ignoring the ‘helpful’ advice.
You can certainly work towards encouraging independence and confidence in your child, but never do that just because of other people’s comments.
For the record, my then super clingy baby is now 3-years old and while she still loves snuggles with mama, she is very independent and nothing like what she was 2 years ago.
#4 Set Up Strategies
So, what can you do though? Because, let’s face it, having a baby that cries and pitches a fit when you’re not holding them 24/7 is absolutely exhausting.
It also isn’t practical or safe to always be holding your baby. Although, in saying that, using a baby wrap or carrier is definitely something I’ve done, especially in the early days.
So, while time fixes most things, there are a few more strategies that I used to help foster independent contentment in my daughter.
One on One Time
Have you heard of the 5 love languages? Did you know that children also experience love differently?
This is important because sometimes behaviour can be corrected or more clearly understood just by understanding exactly how your child feels love.
For my daughter, it is through touch and attention. It sounds silly, but finding a few minutes a day to just sit and give undivided attention to one child isn’t actually that easy.
It’s one of those things that has to be intentional. For us, making sure to fit in some cuddle time and general interaction really helps with the clinginess.
Independent Playtime
One of my all-time favourite parenting tools. Allowing your child the opportunity to learn how to play on their own is such a huge benefit for them!
It has so many payoffs for the entire family. Annie was not a fan of Independent Playtimewhen we first started, but at 20-months old, she now loves it.
We remained consistent and slowly built up to the desired amount of time. It helped with separation anxiety and just made her more confident in her own company.
Independent Sleep Skills
I know that sleep training isn’t for everyone. However, it works well in our home and for our family.
It doesn’t always equate to letting your baby cry, but sometimes that is required. Regardless, one thing that really worked in our favour was having our children be able to put themselves to sleep without our help.
Yes, we set up their sleep environments to be conducive to getting drowsy and sleeping soundly, but independent sleep skills were something we worked towards from day one. Babywise and Moms on Call are two of the main resources we used.
Why am I listing this as a strategy? Because it meant that even when we had a particularly trying day when Annie wanted mama all. day. long.
I still got a break during nap times and then once bedtime came along. I’m not sure my patience would have lasted nearly as long had that not been the case.
Work It Into Your Routine
As my babies get older, I’m not opposed to them fussing for a few minutes while I deal with certain chores or other children.
However, sometimes the crying just gets too much and for the sake of your sanity, and you need to figure out another strategy.
That is why I recommend sitting down and looking at your daily routine. I have a post that covers setting up a productive routine as a stay-at-home-mama –> HERE.
Often times, babies are fussier at certain times of the day. For us, it is almost always around the 4pm-bedtime range.
For that reason, I try to get most of the household chores done in the morning. When I can, I put dinner in the slow cooker, so that I don’t need to be sorting that out in the evening.
You know your child and your family. Figure out what works best for you all and then be intentional about your routine.
#5 Say Goodbye to Guilt
As mamas, we so often take on the unhappiness of our children.
The truth is though, we’re not called to make our children happy. If that were the case then we would likely end up raising entitled brats.
Happiness does not build character.
With that said, sometimes tough love is the right choice to make. If you have done your best to fill up your baby’s love tank and then need to take a break…do it.
Do it with no guilt. Your baby is going to be fine. In fact, your baby is going to be great and much better off with a mama that isn’t constantly at her wits end.
I hope the above tips help you out. It can be emotionally draining having a baby that only wants mama. I honestly do understand.
It’s not that you don’t love them or want them, but everyone needs some space occasionally. The encouragement that I can give is that it really does work itself out with time.
I sit here and think about how challenging Annie’s clinginess was during the first year, but you know what? It is just a part of her first year, it isn’t the highlight. 
No, the highlight is the joy that she brought into our family when she arrived.